Tuesday, October 19, 2010

"the OCD fit"

I have been racking my brain everytime I'm not around Nora to determine what her "OCD FIT" words are...now, I've got it down. Its the same every time - which is good because sometimes OCD is hard to keep up with...here goes:

M: Nora, how much homework do you have left?
N: Swear to god, swear to god, I'm going to hit you now (ad lib) (followed by a pencil throw, door slam, pinch or other physical sign of frustration) SWEAR TO GOD (said much louder this time)
M: standing still...watching...waiting...
N: mom, i'm sorry for throwing a fit (back to self)

that's classic, every time i hear "swear to god" i KNOW...i just don't know what to DO!!!
then, this morning it was so subtle (ocd's voice that is)...a sister told a story about something and Nora calmly explained how that would take 5 days instead of 3 or something so simple like that...Ken said, oh I've gottcha nora (or something similar) and I quickly shook my head and Ken said as I responded to her I realized what was happening...if you're involved with an Accuracy OCD person you know too...she had to "correct" her sister's statement in something very minor because OCD's accuracy demand requires not just accuracy in Nora's statements but what it filter's into her brain (hearing a story too).

Now, a non-OCD person would say their kids correct each other too and that IS true, but for us, it is another sign how nothing passes through the filter without need for attention...every statement must be accurate...every answer on homework can't be answered without OCD questioning if the answer is "really right" - which is how it can get overwhelming and then refer to the above OCD fit above!!!


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Thursday, October 14, 2010

Small signs of OCDs presence

My OCD Kiddo had a morning this morning o yes she did!!! Thankfully I'm getting better at identifying her own personality moodiness and an OCD triggered frustration.

Here's where blogging is getting hard...Nora's OCD is so interwoven with her inner thought patterns it sometimes is only quirky repeated phrases I happen to notice when she's building anxiety about something, a look, how she holds herself - MANNERISMS - a strange grade on a test we studied for, unsubstantiated frustrations and tone followed by a characteristic sweetness - the HOW and WHO she is has a little lightswitch that tells me how much the bully is pestering her and i watch it flicker on and off. She's wrestling with this disease off and on all the time - just like her OCD puzzle tells her - OCD is a part of her - we just want to keep it a small one!

THEN a few minutes later it is an angry outburst, relentless and nearly unstoppable teasing of a sister, or frozen forward movement for a project, or an inability to cope that she doesn't know a spelling word she gets so worked up she can't even continue to study and she throws a pencil across the room...THEN she realizes her bully got the best of her and she makes ammends and moves about her day until the bully starts another round loud enough for me to hear it again...