My Nora worked SO hard at selling cookies this year at booths in the FREEZING cold outside around our area. She loved it at first, then tried getting out of it (which her dad didn't catch on to and let her) and then had to FIGHT OCD big time in order to get back in the game and join the troop and sell more...ALL to GO TO CAMP - something I never did as a kid and sounds SO FUN - to me, the NON-OCD mama!
Here's the trouble. EVEN IF Nora were to pick camp, go with her troop that she loves and be excited about it. I'm not sure she'll be able to handle BEING at camp and actually enjoying it...So i'm afraid to bring it up. I don't want her to miss out (something I don't handle very well myself) on one hand but I don't want her to let OCD take over and allow the "avoidance" keep her from experience what could and should be a great time.
Flip side...if she goes and anxiety TAKES OVER, it is heart-wrenching and heart-breaking and I will want to rescue her immediately because she can't fight OCD in the middle of everything that freaks her out (camp toilets, weird bathrooms, feeling dirty, spreading dirty, showers, swimming, strange beds...oh my)...because she's only 10...and here's the part I just wonder and wonder about, what if not doing this makes it harder to go to college, have roomates, etc..
So, this blog is just a little about how a mom has anxiety about her kiddo's anxiety and has to fight her worries to help her kiddo beat her OCD...what a bully!
Showing posts with label OCD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OCD. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Small signs of OCDs presence
My OCD Kiddo had a morning this morning o yes she did!!! Thankfully I'm getting better at identifying her own personality moodiness and an OCD triggered frustration.
Here's where blogging is getting hard...Nora's OCD is so interwoven with her inner thought patterns it sometimes is only quirky repeated phrases I happen to notice when she's building anxiety about something, a look, how she holds herself - MANNERISMS - a strange grade on a test we studied for, unsubstantiated frustrations and tone followed by a characteristic sweetness - the HOW and WHO she is has a little lightswitch that tells me how much the bully is pestering her and i watch it flicker on and off. She's wrestling with this disease off and on all the time - just like her OCD puzzle tells her - OCD is a part of her - we just want to keep it a small one!
THEN a few minutes later it is an angry outburst, relentless and nearly unstoppable teasing of a sister, or frozen forward movement for a project, or an inability to cope that she doesn't know a spelling word she gets so worked up she can't even continue to study and she throws a pencil across the room...THEN she realizes her bully got the best of her and she makes ammends and moves about her day until the bully starts another round loud enough for me to hear it again...
Here's where blogging is getting hard...Nora's OCD is so interwoven with her inner thought patterns it sometimes is only quirky repeated phrases I happen to notice when she's building anxiety about something, a look, how she holds herself - MANNERISMS - a strange grade on a test we studied for, unsubstantiated frustrations and tone followed by a characteristic sweetness - the HOW and WHO she is has a little lightswitch that tells me how much the bully is pestering her and i watch it flicker on and off. She's wrestling with this disease off and on all the time - just like her OCD puzzle tells her - OCD is a part of her - we just want to keep it a small one!
THEN a few minutes later it is an angry outburst, relentless and nearly unstoppable teasing of a sister, or frozen forward movement for a project, or an inability to cope that she doesn't know a spelling word she gets so worked up she can't even continue to study and she throws a pencil across the room...THEN she realizes her bully got the best of her and she makes ammends and moves about her day until the bully starts another round loud enough for me to hear it again...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Why would you medicate and NOT get therapy?!
I know we can be medication phobic these days. no one wants to "label" their child or treat them too quickly for diseases they may or may not have but are we seriously THAT scared of seeking therapy that we'd medicate without actually trying to fix the OCD problem??
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" you ask me. I just read a parent OCD kids group on facebook posting or five where people are giving advice about how to cope with OCD and discussing a child's troubles by saying that ther anxiety brought about from therapy was worse than the OCD but medication seemed to be working so they were NOT seeking therapy for their children. HELLO, BULLY, COME ON OVER TO PLAY AT OUR HOUSE!!!! that's what that says to me!!!
OF COURSE behaviors are worse to start, you're disturbing a bully's free reign over your child's brain..and bullies don't like to be told NO so of COURSE anxieties are worse for a while. As my daughter's therapist says to me when I feel overwhelmed by Nora's symptoms. The help for one anxiety generalizes the help for them all...it lowers her overall anxiety by fighting the battle. If we medicate - and one day we may - it will be at low enough dose where she still has to learn strategies and fight the disease. Reducing anxiety is IMPORTANT, having a life you can THRIVE in is CRITICAL. Medicating away a problem that needs to be taught its boundaries doesn't actually help fix the problem...the medication only helps ease symptoms but it doesn't fight the problem or teach strategies to relearn what isn't actually worry-worthy.
Oh parents, this one isn't easy. I'm so sorry. I wish it were. How I wish OCD wasn't a lifelong disease, but it is. Fill your child's armory with all the weapons he or she needs to squash this bully while enhancing his/her well being not just while the medication works. Arm yourself with the PROPER do's and don'ts of fighting this bully. Don't make them up...chances are what you think is helping (ex. making an issue seem like "no big deal") is feeding OCD's greedy nature. My best help for OCD is frequently the opposite of how I would cope myself.
Example
Nora: "mom, i talked to my teacher today and i thought i was talking too loud but i don't really think i was, is that okay?"
Me before: "oh honey, you probably weren't loud or she would have said something, its okay, no big deal."
OCD: "ooh, you were too loud you should worry about how loud you're being...haha, you better keep asking! see, don't you feel better your mom said it was okay"
ME NOW: "definitely sounds too loud."
NORA's THINKING: "no, i wasn't too loud, that was OCD"
I can repeat examples like that over and over again let alone exposure therapies that have made her force herself back into habits that were second nature before (and we still have super far to go!)...I guess my stress is that we're responsible for teaching our kids how to be great adults and teaching them to ignore professional help because we're not comfortable with the immediate results and don't like "therapy" is SELFISH and a disservice...and I'm quite sure adults with the disease would agree! And who needs the guilt from feeding their kiddos OCD bully because they're doing the wrong thing since no one was there to tell them differently.
BE BRAVE, IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP AND THE SHORT TERM BATTLE IS WORTH WINNING THE LONG TERM WAR!
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" you ask me. I just read a parent OCD kids group on facebook posting or five where people are giving advice about how to cope with OCD and discussing a child's troubles by saying that ther anxiety brought about from therapy was worse than the OCD but medication seemed to be working so they were NOT seeking therapy for their children. HELLO, BULLY, COME ON OVER TO PLAY AT OUR HOUSE!!!! that's what that says to me!!!
OF COURSE behaviors are worse to start, you're disturbing a bully's free reign over your child's brain..and bullies don't like to be told NO so of COURSE anxieties are worse for a while. As my daughter's therapist says to me when I feel overwhelmed by Nora's symptoms. The help for one anxiety generalizes the help for them all...it lowers her overall anxiety by fighting the battle. If we medicate - and one day we may - it will be at low enough dose where she still has to learn strategies and fight the disease. Reducing anxiety is IMPORTANT, having a life you can THRIVE in is CRITICAL. Medicating away a problem that needs to be taught its boundaries doesn't actually help fix the problem...the medication only helps ease symptoms but it doesn't fight the problem or teach strategies to relearn what isn't actually worry-worthy.
Oh parents, this one isn't easy. I'm so sorry. I wish it were. How I wish OCD wasn't a lifelong disease, but it is. Fill your child's armory with all the weapons he or she needs to squash this bully while enhancing his/her well being not just while the medication works. Arm yourself with the PROPER do's and don'ts of fighting this bully. Don't make them up...chances are what you think is helping (ex. making an issue seem like "no big deal") is feeding OCD's greedy nature. My best help for OCD is frequently the opposite of how I would cope myself.
Example
Nora: "mom, i talked to my teacher today and i thought i was talking too loud but i don't really think i was, is that okay?"
Me before: "oh honey, you probably weren't loud or she would have said something, its okay, no big deal."
OCD: "ooh, you were too loud you should worry about how loud you're being...haha, you better keep asking! see, don't you feel better your mom said it was okay"
ME NOW: "definitely sounds too loud."
NORA's THINKING: "no, i wasn't too loud, that was OCD"
I can repeat examples like that over and over again let alone exposure therapies that have made her force herself back into habits that were second nature before (and we still have super far to go!)...I guess my stress is that we're responsible for teaching our kids how to be great adults and teaching them to ignore professional help because we're not comfortable with the immediate results and don't like "therapy" is SELFISH and a disservice...and I'm quite sure adults with the disease would agree! And who needs the guilt from feeding their kiddos OCD bully because they're doing the wrong thing since no one was there to tell them differently.
BE BRAVE, IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP AND THE SHORT TERM BATTLE IS WORTH WINNING THE LONG TERM WAR!
Friday, August 27, 2010
just feelings a bit ovewhelmed
Here's a mom stress moment...notice it is super late at night and I'm awake, which I probably shouldn't be! I started making a list of what to discuss with Nora's therapist tomorrow and the list is sooo long, so that makes me wonder what priorities are, or how I can tell what matters?
- handwashing & sanitizing
- bad thoughts
- repetitive praying and/or saying amen
- reassuring herself
- missing me when i'm gone - worried about something happening
- faucets, some door knobs
- ANGER over the most minor things, and can be physical - especially if she's tired so off to bed she goes
- bathing/tooth brushing
- overwhelmed feelings
- anxious school thoughts (there's more here but she's not talking)
- restrooms
- clothing and body
- akward scenarios
we're so new with therapy I feel like we need her therapist to move in! If i'm not reassuring her, she reassures herself, if it isn't that, it is something else or she's relentlessly teasing someone or freaking out that they're in her space or pestering her, it feels like an exhausting battle - which she says she's tired all the time and I think I get what she means...darn bully!!!! Oh, and she's a 10 year old girl so some of this might just be normal pre-teen hormone drama...lucky, lucky us! - probably why my mom thinks I need to go to a support group, then I can talk this out with them instead of trying to figure everything out myself!
I do have a coffee with an aquaintance who has OCD - we don't know each other very well yet but I look forward to seeing her and she offered to chat. AND one of my girlfriends has a son with OCD i think - perhaps she'll be open to getting together too - this is tough and therapy is for Nora not for us!
- handwashing & sanitizing
- bad thoughts
- repetitive praying and/or saying amen
- reassuring herself
- missing me when i'm gone - worried about something happening
- faucets, some door knobs
- ANGER over the most minor things, and can be physical - especially if she's tired so off to bed she goes
- bathing/tooth brushing
- overwhelmed feelings
- anxious school thoughts (there's more here but she's not talking)
- restrooms
- clothing and body
- akward scenarios
we're so new with therapy I feel like we need her therapist to move in! If i'm not reassuring her, she reassures herself, if it isn't that, it is something else or she's relentlessly teasing someone or freaking out that they're in her space or pestering her, it feels like an exhausting battle - which she says she's tired all the time and I think I get what she means...darn bully!!!! Oh, and she's a 10 year old girl so some of this might just be normal pre-teen hormone drama...lucky, lucky us! - probably why my mom thinks I need to go to a support group, then I can talk this out with them instead of trying to figure everything out myself!
I do have a coffee with an aquaintance who has OCD - we don't know each other very well yet but I look forward to seeing her and she offered to chat. AND one of my girlfriends has a son with OCD i think - perhaps she'll be open to getting together too - this is tough and therapy is for Nora not for us!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The only thing i've noticed so far.....SANITIZER!!!!
ummm, here's a quote from nora's teacher, made me say UT OH - big time UT OH!
Image via Wikipedia
"They only thing I have noticed Nora doing today was wanting to use hand sanitizer alot. She's a great young lady and doesn't disturb anyone when she gets up to do it. I would be curious if this is something you would like me to ask her not to do, OR is it okay that she's doing it." from Nora's new 5th grade teacher...(we haven't had a school meeting yet, they thought observing her for a couple weeks would be better, arrggghhh this is why it isn't better!!!)
EEEEK!!! hand sanitizer huh? not disturb anyone? of course not! she wants a free pass to move about the room, if she thought she could keep a bottle on her desk she'd probably dispense of it within a day - and definitely within a week...you should see how fast our downstairs bathroom goes through hand soap at the house! this is like the seatbelt sign on a plane, OCD, you are now free to take over classtime.
So tonight, before bed, we were talking about school and I discovered she's sanitizing a BUNCH! I'm not even sure her teacher still knows it - because in order to stop it you have to notice it!!! oh, and she's washing hands multiple times, maybe in a row, if not, she's washing for particular scenarios...I again, went over the hand washing rules - she knows them - except...following them is a different story isn't it!
THEN....she told me she had a minor incident on the playground which afforded her a trip to the nurse's office...NOOOOOOOOO not the nurses office!!! and it was sneaky - any other kid would gladly have EARNED that trip to see the school nurse for this incident but NOT NORA!!!! - she involved an unsuspecting teacher in this case...i think an ID band might be in order, if this child asks for a trip to a nurses office, please look for gaping wounds or a SUPER UBER obvious reason for her to be there. if the reason appears to be in question, IN ANY WAY, please send her to her classroom for further evaluation - if her story sounds plausible, ask for evidence, if you don't know her well enough to ask for evidence and evidence isn't obvious, please find her normal teacher and allow her to make this decision instead. The nurse is like winning the ultimate OCD prize - not sure if OCD knows it yet but her "incident" was in OCDs latest bag of tricks for sure!
this was the first nurse trip for the year but if i know anything so far this won't be the last for sure!!! funny thing is, her therapist and i discussed how NOT being sent there was important and then her teacher and i discussed it at parent night the NIGHT before!!!!
we have another therapy appt. this weekend - i need to journal this stuff so my scatterbrained mind doesn't forget because Nora's sure not going to reveal this week if she thinks she can help it I bet!!!
this posting doesn't even go into life at home...its like she's obsessing and compulsively teasing, pestering, reacting to her sisters but i don't know if that is a reaction to other troubles or what, this bully is tricky tricky i tell you!
oh, and i was trying to tickle her tonight - hardy har har she didn't say! (at least they'll have something to work on for exposure therapy)
now she's sleeping - as well she should be!!!! new day tomorrow!
Image via Wikipedia"They only thing I have noticed Nora doing today was wanting to use hand sanitizer alot. She's a great young lady and doesn't disturb anyone when she gets up to do it. I would be curious if this is something you would like me to ask her not to do, OR is it okay that she's doing it." from Nora's new 5th grade teacher...(we haven't had a school meeting yet, they thought observing her for a couple weeks would be better, arrggghhh this is why it isn't better!!!)
EEEEK!!! hand sanitizer huh? not disturb anyone? of course not! she wants a free pass to move about the room, if she thought she could keep a bottle on her desk she'd probably dispense of it within a day - and definitely within a week...you should see how fast our downstairs bathroom goes through hand soap at the house! this is like the seatbelt sign on a plane, OCD, you are now free to take over classtime.
So tonight, before bed, we were talking about school and I discovered she's sanitizing a BUNCH! I'm not even sure her teacher still knows it - because in order to stop it you have to notice it!!! oh, and she's washing hands multiple times, maybe in a row, if not, she's washing for particular scenarios...I again, went over the hand washing rules - she knows them - except...following them is a different story isn't it!
THEN....she told me she had a minor incident on the playground which afforded her a trip to the nurse's office...NOOOOOOOOO not the nurses office!!! and it was sneaky - any other kid would gladly have EARNED that trip to see the school nurse for this incident but NOT NORA!!!! - she involved an unsuspecting teacher in this case...i think an ID band might be in order, if this child asks for a trip to a nurses office, please look for gaping wounds or a SUPER UBER obvious reason for her to be there. if the reason appears to be in question, IN ANY WAY, please send her to her classroom for further evaluation - if her story sounds plausible, ask for evidence, if you don't know her well enough to ask for evidence and evidence isn't obvious, please find her normal teacher and allow her to make this decision instead. The nurse is like winning the ultimate OCD prize - not sure if OCD knows it yet but her "incident" was in OCDs latest bag of tricks for sure!
this was the first nurse trip for the year but if i know anything so far this won't be the last for sure!!! funny thing is, her therapist and i discussed how NOT being sent there was important and then her teacher and i discussed it at parent night the NIGHT before!!!!
we have another therapy appt. this weekend - i need to journal this stuff so my scatterbrained mind doesn't forget because Nora's sure not going to reveal this week if she thinks she can help it I bet!!!
this posting doesn't even go into life at home...its like she's obsessing and compulsively teasing, pestering, reacting to her sisters but i don't know if that is a reaction to other troubles or what, this bully is tricky tricky i tell you!
oh, and i was trying to tickle her tonight - hardy har har she didn't say! (at least they'll have something to work on for exposure therapy)
now she's sleeping - as well she should be!!!! new day tomorrow!
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
bestie friend sleepover, movie, mocha, fishing, movie, meltdown, home!
We're SO lucky Nora's best friend is zany. AND she pulls Nora along to do things with her AND she ignores her and laughs at her. Intertwined are undertones - almost constant undertones, "no, that didn't happen Nora, you don't have to do that Nora, you're okay Nora" over and over...as well as bathroom obsessions...they're an undercurrent of her whole day.
We caught our first fish today - 5 girls by ourselves!!! Nora caught hers (2 babies) with a little net and not with the pole...as everyone else had and we were cheering her on she started to feel the pressure..."i'm no good, i can't do it, i'm just stupid..." - time to go and thought process was broken.
Off to the movies and a LATE lunch...in the parking lot back to the car she fretted and fussed at me for not taking them out to eat...i'm a liar, i promised, as always i break promises..holding her hands again - we'd been out of the house for hours. i'm working on being calmer when she's stressed to not allow rudeness but understanding too - tricky tricky!!!
she's back playing with the girls after lunch, no fighting today...busy is good i think...no headway with schools today, i guess there's always tomorrow to work on that!
We caught our first fish today - 5 girls by ourselves!!! Nora caught hers (2 babies) with a little net and not with the pole...as everyone else had and we were cheering her on she started to feel the pressure..."i'm no good, i can't do it, i'm just stupid..." - time to go and thought process was broken.
Off to the movies and a LATE lunch...in the parking lot back to the car she fretted and fussed at me for not taking them out to eat...i'm a liar, i promised, as always i break promises..holding her hands again - we'd been out of the house for hours. i'm working on being calmer when she's stressed to not allow rudeness but understanding too - tricky tricky!!!
she's back playing with the girls after lunch, no fighting today...busy is good i think...no headway with schools today, i guess there's always tomorrow to work on that!
Friday, July 23, 2010
all in a summer
So today we got our official "confirmation" - Nora has OCD...big, bad, greedy bully, OCD. Nora's 10, typical suburban kiddo, scouts, soccer, swimming - well hold the phone - that's kind of how this all got started...no more swimming. Around our house, we rearrange everything for summer. My husband doesn't sleep, I work crazy hours, we do everything we can so our gaggle of girls (we have 4, Nora's oldest) get to sleep in, go to the library, the movies, hang out with friends and swim!!!
Here's where OCD looks like normal...and looks like normal..and looks like normal until you think your kiddo has a severe drug reaction because WHY IN THE WORLD is she acting this way? I mean she's a different kid all together, NO she didn't act like this 2 weeks ago, what's up? Its like she has OCD...but she doesn't! Ohhhh, but she does.
WOW THIS HAPPENED OVER NIGHT, HANG ON, MAYBE NOT
Strange things that happened...some over time, some ALL at once:
1. Nora starts to cry and freak out and panic when Ken (her dad) and I (oh hi, I'm Tiffany by the way) would go on our evening walk - a walk we try to take as often as possible for 15-20 minutes and have taken well, for years....we called this a phase
2. Nora calls us...for most girls at 10, maybe they call on the phone, Nora doesn't...well didn't...she needs to check on us...and often! - okay, its summer and we have a droid the girls play with sooo again...we called this a phase
3. Nora goes to the pool for the first time for the summer, thinks it feels like the water is pee running down her leg (you all know the feeling!!!) - I tell her no biggie, its just the water - and besides - she'd KNOW if it was pee! This was the last time in 2 months she went to the pool with us and put on a suit and got in the water - she just didn't feel like swimming, you know...ummm, this time we called it all puberty...as a matter of fact, all these strange things just must be hormones! puberty has come!...we called this a level above a phase...
STOMACH ACHES AND AGITATED, STOMACH ACHES AND AGITATED, GERMS BE GONE!!! MOM STAY RIGHT HERE!!!
In the meantime…Nora was experiencing stomach aches – and was agitated and rinsing her hands a lot, poor thing is worried she’s sick hormones can be a pain can’t they! We’d taken her to the doctor in early May, we were told it was probably stress…we got a prescription for a generic version of prilosec…it didn’t help, stomach aches were getting WORSE! And by now strange things 1, 2, and 3 were underway…what was going on with our poor kiddo? Must be, that’s it, PUBERTY!!!
Every year I travel to Minnesota for my job…This year, I went in mid-June. Nora’s stomach aches were pretty frequent and she was agitated and of course we were concerned about strange things 1, 2 and 3. I arranged for my girlfriend (who nora’s known since she was pretty much a baby) to watch all 4 girls when I got home because Ken had taken off work while I was gone…treat for him! While gone, Ken mentioned he was concerned about Nora,
IS SHE ALLERGIC TO HERSELF?
I return from my trip and the downstairs wastebasket is full of tissues…Nora’s “wiping” her fingers of almost non-stop, she’s agitated and sooo glad to see me. Friday I go to the office for a few hours (it took longer than I thought, she was super upset, how could I not come home, I always do this, and I lie, I lie!!!) We order Chinese food, ate together, and went to my friend’s to hang out for the night, play cards and then the kids would stay over. Nora’s stomach ache got so bad we left with her. We took her to the doctor in the morning and noticed she was again washing off her hands – as a matter of fact, she seemed to be washing them quite a lot lately – like she was coming up with a reason to wash - hmmm….Nora sees the doctor, gets a new prescription – this time for prevacid, is excited to return to my friend’s because the doctor told her she was not ill, her troubles were functional and not germs…on the way back to the house I notice Nora uses her arm to open the door…and gets stuck up in her room because she can’t get the knob to turn…okay, this is NOT normal!
OHHH, UMMM, TIFF, THIS ISN’T RIGHT
My friend takes the girls to a dance competition and by 6:30 at night calls me to say that something definitely is NOT typical with nora and she thought I meant she was worried about germs but this is NOT what she thought!!! Nora had been to the restroom at least 30 times because she touched her shorts, touched the bench, touched her hair, touched her shirt, touched her face…and a bunch of other reasons to boot! I call the doctor, she said to reassure nora that she did NOT have germs and she’d be fine…this is the first time the actual letters OCD entered my brain. I was in a panic. SOMETHING was just NOT right here. Something was VERY wrong. Nora was changing from her silly self right in front of me and FAST!!! Gulp…what to do now!!!
OMG MAYBE THIS IS A DRUG REACTION!!!
I hopped online – started researching drug interactions and OCD – then side effects of prilosec and prevacid…anxiety was on the list, maybe this is it!!!! We quickly got an appointment at a children’s gastro-intestinal doctor. Umm, an appointment can almost not go worse!!! Nora wouldn’t talk to him, denied everything I said (she wasn’t about to share anything personal with that guy!), held her hands in her new folded manner (my eyes draw to her hands, she holds them so purposefully closed – and she doesn’t shake anyone’s hand, NO THANK YOU!), and wished herself outta there.
TUMMY ACHE, NO…BRAIN ACHE
That meeting sealed it. This was NOT a medical illness we were dealing with, they weren’t even asking about the hand washing, the agitation, the difficulty getting her to bathe, the temper flares, the hand washing, the aversion to her own self…LET ALONE ask me anything about the “confessional” conversations we now had every night “alone, in private” to discuss awkward incidents between herself or others from her past (conversations that usually ended with me telling her it was no biggie and no worry was needed, later I find out that was only making things worse). I had already done some homework and found OCD specialist doctors in our area but wanted to be sure the medical issue wasn’t playing a role in our symptoms so I had put off scheduling an actual appointment with them. Monday morning, we had an appointment on the calendar, my Nora was changing in front of our eyes and school was starting in mere weeks. –this OCD waited until summer until it took over my Nora (well, maybe not, but summer surely showcased its nasty handiwork!)
IF BABY SISTERS WORK, YIPPEE
While waiting for the appointment, we had a great day, Nora went swimming!!! She got in the water to help with her baby sister’s first time at the pool. She spent most of the time traveling back and forth to the bathroom to rinse her hands but she admitted she really does love the water! And sort of that she missed swimming, I was SO excited! No more trips back until we went to a new pool and were meeting up with friends and the excitement of all the activity overcame whatever was NOT allowing her to go. Again, she spent loads of time in the bathroom and I ended up giving her sanitizer so she didn’t have to miss out on so much fun time…I think she maybe got used to the pool and didn’t sanitize so much but I’m not super sure.
HELPING DOESN’T FEEL LIKE HELPING SO MUCH
Now that we’ve met our doc – my marching orders mean I turn into the big bad momma bear. Helping feels like the opposite these days. I find myself saying things like, “sounds so rude, she should be embarrassed” or “touching your hair is disgusting now isn’t it” or many, many other things that I can’t even repeat because if it is awkward or mildly inappropriate, Nora’s brain likes to settle right there recalling all the funky AWKWARD shouting moments in her life. And in order to stop a bully in its tracks, you have to call its bluff and NOT give it what it wants. It wants assurance the things there’s no need to worry about have no need to worry about them…I can’t give this bully any assurance about anything because then maybe it’ll stop trying to make her worry. Why not just tell her these things are “no biggie?” – Because that’s what it wants and then it will feed her brain with more and more and more of these anxieties…helping is hard work!!! She seems to be stuck on these thoughts, working through them obsessing over them compulsively telling me about them over and over and over again…what to do!!!!
More later…this has been quite enough…I enrolled her in school today, mentioned her diagnosis thinking we could get her safety net ready…ummm, apparently not…here’s where I need to dig in and find support and how to help them help her!...that’s saving for another day!
Here's where OCD looks like normal...and looks like normal..and looks like normal until you think your kiddo has a severe drug reaction because WHY IN THE WORLD is she acting this way? I mean she's a different kid all together, NO she didn't act like this 2 weeks ago, what's up? Its like she has OCD...but she doesn't! Ohhhh, but she does.
WOW THIS HAPPENED OVER NIGHT, HANG ON, MAYBE NOT
Strange things that happened...some over time, some ALL at once:
1. Nora starts to cry and freak out and panic when Ken (her dad) and I (oh hi, I'm Tiffany by the way) would go on our evening walk - a walk we try to take as often as possible for 15-20 minutes and have taken well, for years....we called this a phase
2. Nora calls us...for most girls at 10, maybe they call on the phone, Nora doesn't...well didn't...she needs to check on us...and often! - okay, its summer and we have a droid the girls play with sooo again...we called this a phase
3. Nora goes to the pool for the first time for the summer, thinks it feels like the water is pee running down her leg (you all know the feeling!!!) - I tell her no biggie, its just the water - and besides - she'd KNOW if it was pee! This was the last time in 2 months she went to the pool with us and put on a suit and got in the water - she just didn't feel like swimming, you know...ummm, this time we called it all puberty...as a matter of fact, all these strange things just must be hormones! puberty has come!...we called this a level above a phase...
STOMACH ACHES AND AGITATED, STOMACH ACHES AND AGITATED, GERMS BE GONE!!! MOM STAY RIGHT HERE!!!
In the meantime…Nora was experiencing stomach aches – and was agitated and rinsing her hands a lot, poor thing is worried she’s sick hormones can be a pain can’t they! We’d taken her to the doctor in early May, we were told it was probably stress…we got a prescription for a generic version of prilosec…it didn’t help, stomach aches were getting WORSE! And by now strange things 1, 2, and 3 were underway…what was going on with our poor kiddo? Must be, that’s it, PUBERTY!!!
Every year I travel to Minnesota for my job…This year, I went in mid-June. Nora’s stomach aches were pretty frequent and she was agitated and of course we were concerned about strange things 1, 2 and 3. I arranged for my girlfriend (who nora’s known since she was pretty much a baby) to watch all 4 girls when I got home because Ken had taken off work while I was gone…treat for him! While gone, Ken mentioned he was concerned about Nora,
IS SHE ALLERGIC TO HERSELF?
I return from my trip and the downstairs wastebasket is full of tissues…Nora’s “wiping” her fingers of almost non-stop, she’s agitated and sooo glad to see me. Friday I go to the office for a few hours (it took longer than I thought, she was super upset, how could I not come home, I always do this, and I lie, I lie!!!) We order Chinese food, ate together, and went to my friend’s to hang out for the night, play cards and then the kids would stay over. Nora’s stomach ache got so bad we left with her. We took her to the doctor in the morning and noticed she was again washing off her hands – as a matter of fact, she seemed to be washing them quite a lot lately – like she was coming up with a reason to wash - hmmm….Nora sees the doctor, gets a new prescription – this time for prevacid, is excited to return to my friend’s because the doctor told her she was not ill, her troubles were functional and not germs…on the way back to the house I notice Nora uses her arm to open the door…and gets stuck up in her room because she can’t get the knob to turn…okay, this is NOT normal!
OHHH, UMMM, TIFF, THIS ISN’T RIGHT
My friend takes the girls to a dance competition and by 6:30 at night calls me to say that something definitely is NOT typical with nora and she thought I meant she was worried about germs but this is NOT what she thought!!! Nora had been to the restroom at least 30 times because she touched her shorts, touched the bench, touched her hair, touched her shirt, touched her face…and a bunch of other reasons to boot! I call the doctor, she said to reassure nora that she did NOT have germs and she’d be fine…this is the first time the actual letters OCD entered my brain. I was in a panic. SOMETHING was just NOT right here. Something was VERY wrong. Nora was changing from her silly self right in front of me and FAST!!! Gulp…what to do now!!!
OMG MAYBE THIS IS A DRUG REACTION!!!
I hopped online – started researching drug interactions and OCD – then side effects of prilosec and prevacid…anxiety was on the list, maybe this is it!!!! We quickly got an appointment at a children’s gastro-intestinal doctor. Umm, an appointment can almost not go worse!!! Nora wouldn’t talk to him, denied everything I said (she wasn’t about to share anything personal with that guy!), held her hands in her new folded manner (my eyes draw to her hands, she holds them so purposefully closed – and she doesn’t shake anyone’s hand, NO THANK YOU!), and wished herself outta there.
TUMMY ACHE, NO…BRAIN ACHE
That meeting sealed it. This was NOT a medical illness we were dealing with, they weren’t even asking about the hand washing, the agitation, the difficulty getting her to bathe, the temper flares, the hand washing, the aversion to her own self…LET ALONE ask me anything about the “confessional” conversations we now had every night “alone, in private” to discuss awkward incidents between herself or others from her past (conversations that usually ended with me telling her it was no biggie and no worry was needed, later I find out that was only making things worse). I had already done some homework and found OCD specialist doctors in our area but wanted to be sure the medical issue wasn’t playing a role in our symptoms so I had put off scheduling an actual appointment with them. Monday morning, we had an appointment on the calendar, my Nora was changing in front of our eyes and school was starting in mere weeks. –this OCD waited until summer until it took over my Nora (well, maybe not, but summer surely showcased its nasty handiwork!)
IF BABY SISTERS WORK, YIPPEE
While waiting for the appointment, we had a great day, Nora went swimming!!! She got in the water to help with her baby sister’s first time at the pool. She spent most of the time traveling back and forth to the bathroom to rinse her hands but she admitted she really does love the water! And sort of that she missed swimming, I was SO excited! No more trips back until we went to a new pool and were meeting up with friends and the excitement of all the activity overcame whatever was NOT allowing her to go. Again, she spent loads of time in the bathroom and I ended up giving her sanitizer so she didn’t have to miss out on so much fun time…I think she maybe got used to the pool and didn’t sanitize so much but I’m not super sure.
HELPING DOESN’T FEEL LIKE HELPING SO MUCH
Now that we’ve met our doc – my marching orders mean I turn into the big bad momma bear. Helping feels like the opposite these days. I find myself saying things like, “sounds so rude, she should be embarrassed” or “touching your hair is disgusting now isn’t it” or many, many other things that I can’t even repeat because if it is awkward or mildly inappropriate, Nora’s brain likes to settle right there recalling all the funky AWKWARD shouting moments in her life. And in order to stop a bully in its tracks, you have to call its bluff and NOT give it what it wants. It wants assurance the things there’s no need to worry about have no need to worry about them…I can’t give this bully any assurance about anything because then maybe it’ll stop trying to make her worry. Why not just tell her these things are “no biggie?” – Because that’s what it wants and then it will feed her brain with more and more and more of these anxieties…helping is hard work!!! She seems to be stuck on these thoughts, working through them obsessing over them compulsively telling me about them over and over and over again…what to do!!!!
More later…this has been quite enough…I enrolled her in school today, mentioned her diagnosis thinking we could get her safety net ready…ummm, apparently not…here’s where I need to dig in and find support and how to help them help her!...that’s saving for another day!
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