My Nora worked SO hard at selling cookies this year at booths in the FREEZING cold outside around our area. She loved it at first, then tried getting out of it (which her dad didn't catch on to and let her) and then had to FIGHT OCD big time in order to get back in the game and join the troop and sell more...ALL to GO TO CAMP - something I never did as a kid and sounds SO FUN - to me, the NON-OCD mama!
Here's the trouble. EVEN IF Nora were to pick camp, go with her troop that she loves and be excited about it. I'm not sure she'll be able to handle BEING at camp and actually enjoying it...So i'm afraid to bring it up. I don't want her to miss out (something I don't handle very well myself) on one hand but I don't want her to let OCD take over and allow the "avoidance" keep her from experience what could and should be a great time.
Flip side...if she goes and anxiety TAKES OVER, it is heart-wrenching and heart-breaking and I will want to rescue her immediately because she can't fight OCD in the middle of everything that freaks her out (camp toilets, weird bathrooms, feeling dirty, spreading dirty, showers, swimming, strange beds...oh my)...because she's only 10...and here's the part I just wonder and wonder about, what if not doing this makes it harder to go to college, have roomates, etc..
So, this blog is just a little about how a mom has anxiety about her kiddo's anxiety and has to fight her worries to help her kiddo beat her OCD...what a bully!
Showing posts with label OCD Kids family obsessive compulsive. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OCD Kids family obsessive compulsive. Show all posts
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Small signs of OCDs presence
My OCD Kiddo had a morning this morning o yes she did!!! Thankfully I'm getting better at identifying her own personality moodiness and an OCD triggered frustration.
Here's where blogging is getting hard...Nora's OCD is so interwoven with her inner thought patterns it sometimes is only quirky repeated phrases I happen to notice when she's building anxiety about something, a look, how she holds herself - MANNERISMS - a strange grade on a test we studied for, unsubstantiated frustrations and tone followed by a characteristic sweetness - the HOW and WHO she is has a little lightswitch that tells me how much the bully is pestering her and i watch it flicker on and off. She's wrestling with this disease off and on all the time - just like her OCD puzzle tells her - OCD is a part of her - we just want to keep it a small one!
THEN a few minutes later it is an angry outburst, relentless and nearly unstoppable teasing of a sister, or frozen forward movement for a project, or an inability to cope that she doesn't know a spelling word she gets so worked up she can't even continue to study and she throws a pencil across the room...THEN she realizes her bully got the best of her and she makes ammends and moves about her day until the bully starts another round loud enough for me to hear it again...
Here's where blogging is getting hard...Nora's OCD is so interwoven with her inner thought patterns it sometimes is only quirky repeated phrases I happen to notice when she's building anxiety about something, a look, how she holds herself - MANNERISMS - a strange grade on a test we studied for, unsubstantiated frustrations and tone followed by a characteristic sweetness - the HOW and WHO she is has a little lightswitch that tells me how much the bully is pestering her and i watch it flicker on and off. She's wrestling with this disease off and on all the time - just like her OCD puzzle tells her - OCD is a part of her - we just want to keep it a small one!
THEN a few minutes later it is an angry outburst, relentless and nearly unstoppable teasing of a sister, or frozen forward movement for a project, or an inability to cope that she doesn't know a spelling word she gets so worked up she can't even continue to study and she throws a pencil across the room...THEN she realizes her bully got the best of her and she makes ammends and moves about her day until the bully starts another round loud enough for me to hear it again...
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Why would you medicate and NOT get therapy?!
I know we can be medication phobic these days. no one wants to "label" their child or treat them too quickly for diseases they may or may not have but are we seriously THAT scared of seeking therapy that we'd medicate without actually trying to fix the OCD problem??
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" you ask me. I just read a parent OCD kids group on facebook posting or five where people are giving advice about how to cope with OCD and discussing a child's troubles by saying that ther anxiety brought about from therapy was worse than the OCD but medication seemed to be working so they were NOT seeking therapy for their children. HELLO, BULLY, COME ON OVER TO PLAY AT OUR HOUSE!!!! that's what that says to me!!!
OF COURSE behaviors are worse to start, you're disturbing a bully's free reign over your child's brain..and bullies don't like to be told NO so of COURSE anxieties are worse for a while. As my daughter's therapist says to me when I feel overwhelmed by Nora's symptoms. The help for one anxiety generalizes the help for them all...it lowers her overall anxiety by fighting the battle. If we medicate - and one day we may - it will be at low enough dose where she still has to learn strategies and fight the disease. Reducing anxiety is IMPORTANT, having a life you can THRIVE in is CRITICAL. Medicating away a problem that needs to be taught its boundaries doesn't actually help fix the problem...the medication only helps ease symptoms but it doesn't fight the problem or teach strategies to relearn what isn't actually worry-worthy.
Oh parents, this one isn't easy. I'm so sorry. I wish it were. How I wish OCD wasn't a lifelong disease, but it is. Fill your child's armory with all the weapons he or she needs to squash this bully while enhancing his/her well being not just while the medication works. Arm yourself with the PROPER do's and don'ts of fighting this bully. Don't make them up...chances are what you think is helping (ex. making an issue seem like "no big deal") is feeding OCD's greedy nature. My best help for OCD is frequently the opposite of how I would cope myself.
Example
Nora: "mom, i talked to my teacher today and i thought i was talking too loud but i don't really think i was, is that okay?"
Me before: "oh honey, you probably weren't loud or she would have said something, its okay, no big deal."
OCD: "ooh, you were too loud you should worry about how loud you're being...haha, you better keep asking! see, don't you feel better your mom said it was okay"
ME NOW: "definitely sounds too loud."
NORA's THINKING: "no, i wasn't too loud, that was OCD"
I can repeat examples like that over and over again let alone exposure therapies that have made her force herself back into habits that were second nature before (and we still have super far to go!)...I guess my stress is that we're responsible for teaching our kids how to be great adults and teaching them to ignore professional help because we're not comfortable with the immediate results and don't like "therapy" is SELFISH and a disservice...and I'm quite sure adults with the disease would agree! And who needs the guilt from feeding their kiddos OCD bully because they're doing the wrong thing since no one was there to tell them differently.
BE BRAVE, IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP AND THE SHORT TERM BATTLE IS WORTH WINNING THE LONG TERM WAR!
"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?" you ask me. I just read a parent OCD kids group on facebook posting or five where people are giving advice about how to cope with OCD and discussing a child's troubles by saying that ther anxiety brought about from therapy was worse than the OCD but medication seemed to be working so they were NOT seeking therapy for their children. HELLO, BULLY, COME ON OVER TO PLAY AT OUR HOUSE!!!! that's what that says to me!!!
OF COURSE behaviors are worse to start, you're disturbing a bully's free reign over your child's brain..and bullies don't like to be told NO so of COURSE anxieties are worse for a while. As my daughter's therapist says to me when I feel overwhelmed by Nora's symptoms. The help for one anxiety generalizes the help for them all...it lowers her overall anxiety by fighting the battle. If we medicate - and one day we may - it will be at low enough dose where she still has to learn strategies and fight the disease. Reducing anxiety is IMPORTANT, having a life you can THRIVE in is CRITICAL. Medicating away a problem that needs to be taught its boundaries doesn't actually help fix the problem...the medication only helps ease symptoms but it doesn't fight the problem or teach strategies to relearn what isn't actually worry-worthy.
Oh parents, this one isn't easy. I'm so sorry. I wish it were. How I wish OCD wasn't a lifelong disease, but it is. Fill your child's armory with all the weapons he or she needs to squash this bully while enhancing his/her well being not just while the medication works. Arm yourself with the PROPER do's and don'ts of fighting this bully. Don't make them up...chances are what you think is helping (ex. making an issue seem like "no big deal") is feeding OCD's greedy nature. My best help for OCD is frequently the opposite of how I would cope myself.
Example
Nora: "mom, i talked to my teacher today and i thought i was talking too loud but i don't really think i was, is that okay?"
Me before: "oh honey, you probably weren't loud or she would have said something, its okay, no big deal."
OCD: "ooh, you were too loud you should worry about how loud you're being...haha, you better keep asking! see, don't you feel better your mom said it was okay"
ME NOW: "definitely sounds too loud."
NORA's THINKING: "no, i wasn't too loud, that was OCD"
I can repeat examples like that over and over again let alone exposure therapies that have made her force herself back into habits that were second nature before (and we still have super far to go!)...I guess my stress is that we're responsible for teaching our kids how to be great adults and teaching them to ignore professional help because we're not comfortable with the immediate results and don't like "therapy" is SELFISH and a disservice...and I'm quite sure adults with the disease would agree! And who needs the guilt from feeding their kiddos OCD bully because they're doing the wrong thing since no one was there to tell them differently.
BE BRAVE, IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP AND THE SHORT TERM BATTLE IS WORTH WINNING THE LONG TERM WAR!
Friday, August 27, 2010
just feelings a bit ovewhelmed
Here's a mom stress moment...notice it is super late at night and I'm awake, which I probably shouldn't be! I started making a list of what to discuss with Nora's therapist tomorrow and the list is sooo long, so that makes me wonder what priorities are, or how I can tell what matters?
- handwashing & sanitizing
- bad thoughts
- repetitive praying and/or saying amen
- reassuring herself
- missing me when i'm gone - worried about something happening
- faucets, some door knobs
- ANGER over the most minor things, and can be physical - especially if she's tired so off to bed she goes
- bathing/tooth brushing
- overwhelmed feelings
- anxious school thoughts (there's more here but she's not talking)
- restrooms
- clothing and body
- akward scenarios
we're so new with therapy I feel like we need her therapist to move in! If i'm not reassuring her, she reassures herself, if it isn't that, it is something else or she's relentlessly teasing someone or freaking out that they're in her space or pestering her, it feels like an exhausting battle - which she says she's tired all the time and I think I get what she means...darn bully!!!! Oh, and she's a 10 year old girl so some of this might just be normal pre-teen hormone drama...lucky, lucky us! - probably why my mom thinks I need to go to a support group, then I can talk this out with them instead of trying to figure everything out myself!
I do have a coffee with an aquaintance who has OCD - we don't know each other very well yet but I look forward to seeing her and she offered to chat. AND one of my girlfriends has a son with OCD i think - perhaps she'll be open to getting together too - this is tough and therapy is for Nora not for us!
- handwashing & sanitizing
- bad thoughts
- repetitive praying and/or saying amen
- reassuring herself
- missing me when i'm gone - worried about something happening
- faucets, some door knobs
- ANGER over the most minor things, and can be physical - especially if she's tired so off to bed she goes
- bathing/tooth brushing
- overwhelmed feelings
- anxious school thoughts (there's more here but she's not talking)
- restrooms
- clothing and body
- akward scenarios
we're so new with therapy I feel like we need her therapist to move in! If i'm not reassuring her, she reassures herself, if it isn't that, it is something else or she's relentlessly teasing someone or freaking out that they're in her space or pestering her, it feels like an exhausting battle - which she says she's tired all the time and I think I get what she means...darn bully!!!! Oh, and she's a 10 year old girl so some of this might just be normal pre-teen hormone drama...lucky, lucky us! - probably why my mom thinks I need to go to a support group, then I can talk this out with them instead of trying to figure everything out myself!
I do have a coffee with an aquaintance who has OCD - we don't know each other very well yet but I look forward to seeing her and she offered to chat. AND one of my girlfriends has a son with OCD i think - perhaps she'll be open to getting together too - this is tough and therapy is for Nora not for us!
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The only thing i've noticed so far.....SANITIZER!!!!
ummm, here's a quote from nora's teacher, made me say UT OH - big time UT OH!
Image via Wikipedia
"They only thing I have noticed Nora doing today was wanting to use hand sanitizer alot. She's a great young lady and doesn't disturb anyone when she gets up to do it. I would be curious if this is something you would like me to ask her not to do, OR is it okay that she's doing it." from Nora's new 5th grade teacher...(we haven't had a school meeting yet, they thought observing her for a couple weeks would be better, arrggghhh this is why it isn't better!!!)
EEEEK!!! hand sanitizer huh? not disturb anyone? of course not! she wants a free pass to move about the room, if she thought she could keep a bottle on her desk she'd probably dispense of it within a day - and definitely within a week...you should see how fast our downstairs bathroom goes through hand soap at the house! this is like the seatbelt sign on a plane, OCD, you are now free to take over classtime.
So tonight, before bed, we were talking about school and I discovered she's sanitizing a BUNCH! I'm not even sure her teacher still knows it - because in order to stop it you have to notice it!!! oh, and she's washing hands multiple times, maybe in a row, if not, she's washing for particular scenarios...I again, went over the hand washing rules - she knows them - except...following them is a different story isn't it!
THEN....she told me she had a minor incident on the playground which afforded her a trip to the nurse's office...NOOOOOOOOO not the nurses office!!! and it was sneaky - any other kid would gladly have EARNED that trip to see the school nurse for this incident but NOT NORA!!!! - she involved an unsuspecting teacher in this case...i think an ID band might be in order, if this child asks for a trip to a nurses office, please look for gaping wounds or a SUPER UBER obvious reason for her to be there. if the reason appears to be in question, IN ANY WAY, please send her to her classroom for further evaluation - if her story sounds plausible, ask for evidence, if you don't know her well enough to ask for evidence and evidence isn't obvious, please find her normal teacher and allow her to make this decision instead. The nurse is like winning the ultimate OCD prize - not sure if OCD knows it yet but her "incident" was in OCDs latest bag of tricks for sure!
this was the first nurse trip for the year but if i know anything so far this won't be the last for sure!!! funny thing is, her therapist and i discussed how NOT being sent there was important and then her teacher and i discussed it at parent night the NIGHT before!!!!
we have another therapy appt. this weekend - i need to journal this stuff so my scatterbrained mind doesn't forget because Nora's sure not going to reveal this week if she thinks she can help it I bet!!!
this posting doesn't even go into life at home...its like she's obsessing and compulsively teasing, pestering, reacting to her sisters but i don't know if that is a reaction to other troubles or what, this bully is tricky tricky i tell you!
oh, and i was trying to tickle her tonight - hardy har har she didn't say! (at least they'll have something to work on for exposure therapy)
now she's sleeping - as well she should be!!!! new day tomorrow!
Image via Wikipedia"They only thing I have noticed Nora doing today was wanting to use hand sanitizer alot. She's a great young lady and doesn't disturb anyone when she gets up to do it. I would be curious if this is something you would like me to ask her not to do, OR is it okay that she's doing it." from Nora's new 5th grade teacher...(we haven't had a school meeting yet, they thought observing her for a couple weeks would be better, arrggghhh this is why it isn't better!!!)
EEEEK!!! hand sanitizer huh? not disturb anyone? of course not! she wants a free pass to move about the room, if she thought she could keep a bottle on her desk she'd probably dispense of it within a day - and definitely within a week...you should see how fast our downstairs bathroom goes through hand soap at the house! this is like the seatbelt sign on a plane, OCD, you are now free to take over classtime.
So tonight, before bed, we were talking about school and I discovered she's sanitizing a BUNCH! I'm not even sure her teacher still knows it - because in order to stop it you have to notice it!!! oh, and she's washing hands multiple times, maybe in a row, if not, she's washing for particular scenarios...I again, went over the hand washing rules - she knows them - except...following them is a different story isn't it!
THEN....she told me she had a minor incident on the playground which afforded her a trip to the nurse's office...NOOOOOOOOO not the nurses office!!! and it was sneaky - any other kid would gladly have EARNED that trip to see the school nurse for this incident but NOT NORA!!!! - she involved an unsuspecting teacher in this case...i think an ID band might be in order, if this child asks for a trip to a nurses office, please look for gaping wounds or a SUPER UBER obvious reason for her to be there. if the reason appears to be in question, IN ANY WAY, please send her to her classroom for further evaluation - if her story sounds plausible, ask for evidence, if you don't know her well enough to ask for evidence and evidence isn't obvious, please find her normal teacher and allow her to make this decision instead. The nurse is like winning the ultimate OCD prize - not sure if OCD knows it yet but her "incident" was in OCDs latest bag of tricks for sure!
this was the first nurse trip for the year but if i know anything so far this won't be the last for sure!!! funny thing is, her therapist and i discussed how NOT being sent there was important and then her teacher and i discussed it at parent night the NIGHT before!!!!
we have another therapy appt. this weekend - i need to journal this stuff so my scatterbrained mind doesn't forget because Nora's sure not going to reveal this week if she thinks she can help it I bet!!!
this posting doesn't even go into life at home...its like she's obsessing and compulsively teasing, pestering, reacting to her sisters but i don't know if that is a reaction to other troubles or what, this bully is tricky tricky i tell you!
oh, and i was trying to tickle her tonight - hardy har har she didn't say! (at least they'll have something to work on for exposure therapy)
now she's sleeping - as well she should be!!!! new day tomorrow!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Oh Tricky Little OCD - you'll just obsess about anything won't you?!!
OCD = Obsessing and then Compulsively doing things to relieve the obsession...seems pretty straight forward, right?
Here's the scenario: Girls go to county fair (which we won a blue and red ribbon for a pie contest at, woot woot). Nora loves the animals. Girls return to county fair...Nora gets to see animals again, still loving the animals. Girls have plans to go to Demolition Derby at county fair, Nora looks forward to seeing the animals again. Girls get good seats for Derby, Nora doesn't get to see animals. Nora asks for the time, and when can we go see those animals? Nora starts saying she's bored with derby, and what time is it and when can she see the animals? Nora watches a bit more of the derby and asks yet again, when can she see the animals...Husband gets frusterated - they have great seats and the girls have never been to the derby before, the crashes are awesome and hadn't they seen the animals at least twice so far? Nora, asks for time, and when can she see the animals...(over and over and over) night almost ends, husband and girls walk through to see the animals..come home, husband is spent, Nora is happy.
Husband tells me story when they arrive home, he's frazzled - all she wanted to do was see the animals. Me? I mention, umm honey, it sounds like she was obsessing about the animals and couldn't get it out of her head. She told ME all about the cars she saw and that it seemed like she had a good time. Husband has a OH, DUH, OF COURSE!!!! she was plainly obsessing about the animals, couldn't get it off her mind, had a complete pattern to scenario...Obsessive - Compulsive pattern and it was easier seen hindsight than in the moment - but then seeing the animals wouldn't have actually made things better now would it?
Here's the scenario: Girls go to county fair (which we won a blue and red ribbon for a pie contest at, woot woot). Nora loves the animals. Girls return to county fair...Nora gets to see animals again, still loving the animals. Girls have plans to go to Demolition Derby at county fair, Nora looks forward to seeing the animals again. Girls get good seats for Derby, Nora doesn't get to see animals. Nora asks for the time, and when can we go see those animals? Nora starts saying she's bored with derby, and what time is it and when can she see the animals? Nora watches a bit more of the derby and asks yet again, when can she see the animals...Husband gets frusterated - they have great seats and the girls have never been to the derby before, the crashes are awesome and hadn't they seen the animals at least twice so far? Nora, asks for time, and when can she see the animals...(over and over and over) night almost ends, husband and girls walk through to see the animals..come home, husband is spent, Nora is happy.
Husband tells me story when they arrive home, he's frazzled - all she wanted to do was see the animals. Me? I mention, umm honey, it sounds like she was obsessing about the animals and couldn't get it out of her head. She told ME all about the cars she saw and that it seemed like she had a good time. Husband has a OH, DUH, OF COURSE!!!! she was plainly obsessing about the animals, couldn't get it off her mind, had a complete pattern to scenario...Obsessive - Compulsive pattern and it was easier seen hindsight than in the moment - but then seeing the animals wouldn't have actually made things better now would it?
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